I Wonder
by fallingforkeeps
Summary: What the hell was he doing here? He was supposed to be in Dillon fighting for Lyla Garrity's heart. Tim Riggins wasn't supposed to be in Chicago overwhelming her with his voice and memories that were best left forgotten.


**all right, this one is special and i hope you all like it. **

**disclaimer: i do not own any of these character. **

**...**

The bar was crammed in between the dry cleaners and her favorite Mexican place, and Julie wondered why it had taken her so long to notice it. It was a small dimly lit bar, with a few booths, a pool table, and a stage. The bartender had waved at her when she stepped in and she suddenly felt like she was back in Dillon. It was dimly lit, and the smell of greasy food made her stomach grumble. She ran her hand across the smooth dark wood of the bar and watched the bartender prepare a drink.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked kindly and Julie looked over the collection of bottles behind him. She grabbed a menu from the counter and took a seat glancing over it before responding.

"Could I have the Irish fries, hold the meat please. " she asked tentatively, chewing on her lip. The bartender nodded and yelled her order over his shoulder to the kitchen before turning back and asking her what drink she wanted. Julie grinned, looking at the beers they had on tap.

"A pint of the Rochefort."

He grabbed a glass for her and filled it to the rim, handing it over and squinting at her as she took a sip.

"Texas?"

"Huh?" Julie furled her eyebrows at the bartender and he asked again.

"Texas, that's where you're from. Right?"

Julie chuckled, setting her beer down and scooting her stool closer into the bar.

"How'd you guess?"

"Nobody orders that beer off the bat unless they're from Texas. The only reason we even got it on tap was because one of our regulars is from Texas. Kept raving about it until we brought it in."

"Really? He has good taste in beer then."

"If you stick around for a bit, you can tell him yourself. Comes in every Friday for the Open Mic. Kid's gotta voice like no other."

"I'll think about it."

He nodded at her and turned to serve the couple that had walked in during their conversation. She sipped on her beer, swiveling about on her stool. There was a baseball game on the television and Julie wondered what Monday Nights looked like in this place. It would be interesting to hear other people's opinions of her dad's coaching.

The bartender brought her fries out and Julie munched on them, glancing at the game every once in a while. The place slowly filled up and Julie could tell that it was definitely a Neighborhood bar, where everyone knew each other. Everyone was kind and would smile at her, and as soon as the ball game was over, music filled the place and Julie suddenly got the urge to call her parents. Someone was setting the small stage, and while Julie was curious about the Texan boy that loved Rochefort, she knew she had to start heading home.

She payed for her food and drink, waved at the nice bartender and left the place. She tugged at her coat tightly when she stepped outside into the brisk night, making her way to the dry cleaners to pick up her dancing attire. Julie was home before she knew it, cuddling on her couch and sipping on a cup of tea, thinking about the little bar that reminded her of home.

Rehearsal had been cut short when Sarah injured herself during their third run of the routine, and Julie knew it was going to be a long boring night at her place if things continued as they were currently going. She looked at her watched and sighed, it was only 7:30 on a Friday night and here she was in her pajamas watching Netflix. A completely normal thing for a 25 year old to be doing, she told herself. She groaned when the movie she was watching paused yet again, this was pointless. She glanced at her watch again and shut her computer, if she hurried she could probably make it to Brownings for their Open MIc.

She hadn't returned to the small bar in a few weeks, and Julie had been curious about the Texan the bartender had brought up. She had chalked it up to her most recent bout of homesickness. Meeting someone from Texas that wasn't set on forgetting the Lone state completely would be nice, and she wouldn't have to worry about running into anyone from the company there. Julie loved the dancers she worked with, but she needed a break from them tonight.

She changed rapidly, grabbing her purse and setting out to Brownings before she could change her mind. The city was alive tonight, and she couldn't help but feel more and more excited as she got closer to the small bar.

It was packed tonight, only 8:00 and Brownings was buzzing with people. She grinned when the bartender from before caught her eye and waved at her.

"Texas!" He called out over the noisy bar. "I was wondering when you'd be back. Told our boy Timothy all about you. Rochefort?"

Julie laughed and nodded, pulling herself up onto a stool that had just been left empty.

"Yeah? What'd he say?"

"He said you had to be a decent chick if you liked Rochefort." He finished pouring her drink and placed it in front of her.

"Apparently only the natives know it well enough to spot it somewhere."

She nodded, taking a sip of her beer and looking around the place for any sign of someone that screamed Texas out to her.

"Wonder boy hasn't arrived yet. But you'll know who he is, just keep an ear out for the voice of an angel."

Julie nodded and stuck her hand out to shake the bartender's.

"I'm Julie by the way."

"Sam, nice to meet you Julie from Texas. Let me know if I can help you with anything else, I'll be here all night."

Julie smiled and Sam went back to serving drinks to everyone else. She grabbed her glass and walked to the back of the bar where the stage was currently being occupied by two girls that were singing a song she didn't know. They sounded nice and she bobbed her head to their music. A few more musicians made their way across the stage over the next hour or so. Julie had struck a conversations with a few girls that were out for the night and they played a few games of pool before choosing a table facing the stage.

The alcohol had warmed her up and she was having fun with the four roommates that made her feel a part of their group. It was ridiculously packed inside of the bar at the moment and Julie needed a breath. She motioned to the restroom and the girls smiled at her. She heard cheering as she stepped into the ladies room, the noise from outside echoing in and she wondered who had taken the stage. She splashed some water on her face and looked into the mirror, her face was shiny and her eyes bright. She felt giddy and happy and for the first time since Matt had left, Julie felt free.

Someone was talking into the microphone when she left the restroom. She caught something about the next song being a "new oldie" and she weaved through the crowd towards the bar. Sam smiled at her, pointing to the stage and she furled her eyebrows. He pointed at his ears and Julie realized that he wanted her to listen. Wonder boy must be here, she thought. She nodded enthusiastically and pointed to a pitcher, letting him know she wanted one and then pointed back at her table. He smiled and Julie bobbed her head to the first strums of a guitar. She closed her eyes swaying to the music and smiled when cheers erupted around her again.

_"I wonder how many times you've been had_

_And I wonder how many plans have gone bad"_

His voice was husky and smooth. Flowing over her and giving her shivers. It sounded familiar and she let herself be carried away.

_"I wonder how many times you had sex_

_I wonder do you know who'll be next_

_I wonder l wonder wonder I do"_

She opened her eyes, still swaying and moving as she wandered back to her table. Everyone was letting go to the song, people were dancing and his voice made her want to melt into a puddle the closer she got to him. The girls had all stood up and were dancing, turning to bring her into the circle, smiling and moving to his voice.

_"I wonder about the love you can't find_

_And I wonder about the loneliness that's mine_

_I wonder how much going have you got"_

She opened her eyes, bringing them up to see the boy Sam had been so intent on her meeting and froze. He was sitting on an apple box, kicking a drum with his foot and strumming his guitar. He was leaning into the microphone and singing to the crowd with his eyes closed. Lazy grin on his face and his head swaying to the song he was playing.

_"And I wonder about your friends that are not_

_I wonder I wonder I wonder I do"_

Julie's eyes were wide and her mouth was open. She jumped when a voice whispered into her ear.

"Not too bad on the eyes either right?"

She cleared her throat and shook her head, trying to take in what was happening. She mumbled something to Sam and he laughed yelling out that her beer was on the table.

_"I wonder about the tears in children's eyes_

_And I wonder about the soldier that dies_

_I wonder will this hatred ever end"_

Beer, that was what she needed. What the hell was he doing here? He was supposed to be in Dillon fighting for Lyla Garrity's heart. Tim Riggins wasn't supposed to be in Chicago overwhelming her with his voice and memories that were best left forgotten. When had he started singing anyways?

What the hell was going on.

She reached for a glass and filled it to the rim, tossing it back and trying her best to pretend that this wasn't happening. But his voice was was oozing over her and making her think about things she hadn't thought about in years.

_"I wonder and worry my friend_

_I wonder I wonder wonder don't you?"_

Everything felt out of place, and she felt like she was the only one in the bar now. Everyone's voices but his drifting away and she shut her eyes tightly, willing herself to not cry. He wasn't here, he wasn't here, he wasn't here. Julie wrung her hands together, breathing in and out slowly, making her way back to the bathroom and slamming the door behind her. SHe made her way back to the sink and splashed ice cold water back onto her face.

"Pull yourself together Julie!" she yelled, breathing out harshly as she grounded herself back into reality. The soft lull of his voice wafting faintly into the bathroom.

_"I wonder how many times you been had_

_And I wonder how many dreams have gone bad"_

She laughed darkly, staring at her flushed appearance in the mirror, this time full of fright and sadness she had pushed down a long time ago. Tim.

She sighed wearily, pulling her hair back into a ponytail and drying her face. She had lied to herself for so long that Matt leaving was what had sent her into her funk, digging herself into a pit where Tim Riggins had never happened.

_"I wonder how many times you've had sex_

_And I wonder do you care who'll be next_

_I wonder I wonder wonder I do"_

The song ended and the crowd was cheering loudly for him, she slid down to the floor and sat against the door. His laugh rang out and she winced. He was thanking them, and the crowd was yelling out for another song. He chuckled and Julie wrapped her arms around her stomach, she could feel the vibrations of his voice and guitar through the floor and she held herself tightly as the memories washed over her with his voice seeping into her body.

_"There is a house in New Orleans"_

It happened the year she and Matt hadn't been together. He had been bugging Tyra at work and in return Tyra had given her his booth. He'd been a wreck, and no one else seemed to realize that Tim Riggins was spiraling. She didn't even know how they went to talking while she took his order, to him driving her home, and then sneaking away whenever they could to just be at peace.

At first it wasn't complicated, they both just understood where they were. She was missing Matt, and he would always be in love with Lyla. And then Julie couldn't imagine what life would be like without Tim in it. Their long drives where nothing had to be said. Playing golf at his spot, sitting in the back of his truck and watching the sky change colors.

_"They call the Rising Sun_

_And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy_

_And God, I know I'm one"_

Then there was that night they'd lost track of time talking about everything and anything. Julie had told him things she never thought she would tell anyone, not even Matt. And Tim had held her when she cried about all her fears, he'd rubbed her back lightly, whispering that she had nothing to worry about. They'd stayed like that for hours, wrapped around each other and Julie had felt like she was home.

He had opened up in his own way as well, slowly, usually in not too many words. He said things with his eyes, and the way he gripped her hand when he couldn't go on, he showed her in the way he hugged her and let her comfort him. He wasn't perfect, pushing her away when he got scared by how much he was opening up to her, but Julie was stubborn as hell.

_"My mother was a tailor_

_She sewed my new blue jeans_

_My father was a gamblin' man_

_Down in New Orleans"_

She had pushed away the feeling of his hand against hers, the way their bodies fit together, and how delicately he would touch her skin. She had tried so hard to forget the way he made her shiver when he teased her and whispered in her ear. Or the way his laugh made her happy, and her heart would race the way it used to race for Matt.

And then they'd started that stupid game.

_"Now the only thing a gambler needs_

_Is a suitcase and trunk_

_And the only time he's satisfied_

_Is when he's on a drunk"_

"What are the odds you grab me another beer Taylor?" he's joked one day and Julie had been confused until he explained the rules. The rules where she had to pick the odds, then they both picked a number, counted to three, and if they had the same number she had to get him his beer.

One in four-hundred she had said, the couch was too comfortable and she wasn't about to indulge his drinking habit when Buddy Garrity had been walking around town flaunting that Lyla had someone new in her counted down, and Julie held her breath at the last moment.

"Seven" he'd said, the cocky grin on his face fading when her number registered in his ears.

"Thirty-three"

He was surprised, and Julie had covered up her feelings with a loud laugh and gloats about how she had beat him. Tim had scowled, saying he could get his own beer.

"What are the odds you don't drink for the rest of the night Riggins?"

"One in a thousand" he bit back.

"Six" The number rang out clearly from both of their mouths and Tim had cursed, sitting himself back onto the couch pouting while Julie laughed harder.

The game continued as their time together grew and grew. Julie still couldn't believe the whole town couldn't see her falling in love with Tim Riggins. They must have been really good at hiding that they saw each other everyday and knew more about each other than anyone else in town thought they did. They must have been better at it than she remembered, because no one remembered the time Julie Taylor gave her heart to Tim Riggins and he walked away with it. No one knew about it in fact.

It was a Saturday. The sky was clear and Tim had been telling her story about something stupid he and Street had done. She had been watching him closely when he turned to face her, smiling at her so brightly that Julie felt her heart was going to jump out of her chest. He'd finished his story and they sat there in the breeze smiling at each other.

"Tim?" she had said so softly he almost missed it.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

"What are the odds you kiss me?"

His eyes had widened at her question, and she'd held her breath. His eyes traveled over her face, landing on her lips and the air changed. It was tense and it felt like hours had passed. He had opened his mouth to speak when a voice broke the moment and they both turned to see Lyla standing there. Tim had jumped off his truck so quickly, and Julie sat there frozen and holding back tears she knew were going to fall at any moment. He was whispering something to Lyla and Jule slowly slid off the truck, mumbling a goodbye.

He'd called out her name, jogging over to her while Lyla observed them from where she was. Her eyebrows were furled, trying to figure out exactly what she had stumbled upon.

"Tim?" Lyla had called out and Julie had to swallow back the bile she could feel rising in her throat. He had glanced back at her and Julie just shook her head.

"It's okay Tim, she's the love of your life. I've always known that."

He reached out, but Julie took a step back, looking at the ground and he sighed.

"Jules…"

"I have to go. I'll see you around Riggins."

"See you around little Taylor"

Little Taylor. God, he hadn't called her that in months. Julie had forced herself to forget everything. Turning away from him and walking away as fast a she could. And when she was far enough away, she ran. Ran as fast as her legs could take her until she stopped and let the tears fall.

Matt had found her wandering on the side of the road. He was worried out of his mind, going on about how Tim Riggins had called him telling him he needed to find her. He was firing out questions to her, was she okay, did something happen, yelling at her to say something. Julie had snapped then, reaching up to him and crushing her lips to his. Kissing him hard and angry, tears streaming down her face as she pushed away every thought of Tim Riggins from her mind.

She told herself that things went back to normal after that, but she was lying to herself. It didn't matter that she didn't talk to him anymore. It didn't matter that she'd run away to another state. Or that she had thrown herself back into life with Matt. Nothing was ever going to be the same

_"Oh, mother, tell your children_

_Not to do what I have done_

_Spend your lives in sin and misery_

_In the house of the rising sun"_

Julie cursed, hitting her head against the bathroom dorm and brushing away her tears roughly. That had been a long time ago, and Tim Riggins was not going to slip back into her life and ruin all the progress she had made. She stood, fixing herself up again.

_"Well, I got one foot on the platform_

_The other foot on the train_

_I'm goin' back to New Orleans_

_To wear that ball and chain"_

He was in the past. It was all in the past.

She pushed the door open and the guitar stopped strumming. The room was silent and his voice rang out by itself. Julie took another breath and slowly walked back to her table.

_"Well, there is a house in New Orleans_

_They call the Rising Sun_

_And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy_

_And God, I know I'm one"_

He opened his eyes slowly after the last note rang out, they were sad and Julie brushed this thought away. The bar was cheering and clapping and Tim smiled softly bowing his head to everyone.

"Thank you for having me."

Julie poured herself another beer, turning away from him and listening to the girls rave about his "dreamy voice" and how good looking he was. She could hear him leaving the stage and she nodded at the pool table.

"Anybody up for another game? Lily nodded, and the two maneuvered their way to the back area of the bar. She played two games, laughing again after winning the first one and feeling herself relax again. She was starting to set up the third game when Sam's voice reached her ears.

"I'm telling you she's here somewhere Timothy. I think you two might even-there she is!"

She tensed, praying that Sam would get called away and she could leave without having to speak to him.

"Texas! Hey, Julie!" Sam's voice was getting closer and she could hear Tim laughing.

"JULIE!" he yelled out, slapping his hand on her shoulder and embracing her tightly.

"I wanna introduce you to someone" Sam twirled her around to face the tall Dillon Panther. Tim stopped moving, he looked shocked to see her in front of him. Sam was still rambling and Julie plastered a smile on her face.

"Julie this is Timothy! Resident Brownings entertainer and beer extraordinaire. Timothy, this is Julie, she's from Texas."

"Timothy."

He was still standing there, looking at her like she was some ghost back from the dead. Sam stopped rambling when he finally looked at them and felt the tension between them.

"Hey are you two-"

"Jules?" Timothy let out, stepping forward to reach out and touch her, but Julie backed away.

"I can't do this." she breathed out, mumbling a quick goodbye to Sam who looked flabbergasted and brushing past Tim and making her way to the door.

She finally burst out of the bar, taking in a deep breath outside and sighing in frustration. She began walking away when the door swung open again and his voice called out her name. She kept walking, but he caught up with her, touching her shoulder. She twirled around to face him angrily.

"Don't." she huffed out. "You don't get to say anything Riggins. Not anymore."

"Jules-"

"And you don't get to call me that either, Timothy." she bit out, cutting him off and glaring up at him.

She was breathing harshly and Tim was looking around the street, opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the right thing to say. Julie turned to walk away but he spoke and she froze.

"What are the odd you let me kiss you Julie?"

"What kind of sick game are you playing Tim?"

"What are the odds Taylor?" he cut off, coming to stand behind her.

"Shouldn't you be riding off in the sunset with Lyl-"

"The odds." he urged. She could feel him breathing behind her and she shivered.

"One in a million" she breathed out and Tim was silent for a moment.

"Ready?

Julie immediately regretted saying anything. Her breathing quickened along with her heart and she was shaking.

"One"

Oh God. Julie felt the bile returning.

"Two"

What the hell was she doing?

"Three"

The sound of their breathing was loud and overwhelming as they stood there. It felt like hours passed before they spoke, when really it couldn't have been more than a second.

"Six"

The number hung in the air, and suddenly his hands were on her body, spinning her around to face him. He pulled her in, holding her face in his hands and watching her. Tim pressed his lips against her forehead first.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

His lips kissed the bridge of her nose next.

"I was an idiot."

Julie was shaking and her eyes were watering. She shut them tightly and Tim brushed away the tears.

His lips trailing down the path the tears had begun to make. He was gentle, whispering her name, apologizing over and over again in between kisses. His lips pressed against the corner of her mouth and Julie lost it. She cried out, hitting his chest and Tim took in each blow, holding her delicately.

"Why are you doing this now Tim? I don't think I can do this, I can't-"

She stopped talking, looking up at him and taking in his face. His eyes were glassy, troubled, and full of fear. Julie took a small breath, composing herself as she looked up at the boy she had fallen in love with when she was seventeen. She looked down at her fists lying against his chest and she opened up her hands, feeling his heart beating against her palms. When she looked up again, she saw that the boy she had fell in love with had grown into this man.

A man who made mistakes, and who picked himself up from them. A man who was willing to fight her stubbornness with his own and to remind her of the girl she used to be.

"How long?"

Julie didn't need to elaborate. Tim knew exactly what she wanted to know. His hands moved down to her waist and he held on tightly as he spoke.

"Almost three years." he said gruffly, his words caught in his throat. "You were still with Seven, I thought you had moved on. This city really grabbed a hold of me though, and I thought that if I didn't have you, at least I could still have some of you in my life."

Julie dropped her hands, scared to hear what he would say next.

"I lied to myself for so long, trying to make things with Lyla work, but I knew back then that it was never going to be like when I was with you. When Seven told me he left, I wanted to wring his neck. And then I didn't-I didn't."

Tim stopped, tilting her face up to look at him.

"God Jules, I didn't know what to say or do. And I am so sor-"

Her hands shout out quickly, grabbing the collar of his jacket and pulling him down. She cut him off with her lips. Their bodies were pressed against each other, Jule was gipping his hair and her lips were gliding against his desperately. There wasn't anything gentle about the way she took control, her breathing was erratic. He tasted of beer and spearmint bubblegum, her eyes were shut tightly and she caught his bottom lip in between her teeth, biting down, their teeth clacking together and she shivered when Tim groaned. His hands came up to cup her face again, and Julie moaned when his tongue traced over her lips.

They had moved, Julie was pressed against the wall and Tim was holding her tightly. Their lips slowing down, both of them holding onto the moment and their breaths clashing against each other. Their cheeks were flushed and Julie opened her eyes slowly, their noses grazing against each other and their lips hovering against each other.

Julie breathed in, she breathed out, her heart was pounding and blood was rushing in her ears. She could feel his heart racing, and she watched him try to compose his features. His eyes blinking quickly, as if he couldn't believe their lips had actually met. When he locked his gaze on her though, he couldn't help but smile softly and Julie blushed.

His hands were resting against the nape of her neck, drawing soft patterns, and hers had drifted back down to his chest.

"Wow, that was…"

Tim's voice trailed off and Julie giggled at his inability to speak.

"Yeah," she replied softly hiding her face in his chest.

"So much better than I imagined it would be."

"Yeah?"

"Jesus."

Tim shook his head, pulling her away from his chest so she would look at him.

"Yes, Fuck yes."

She laughed at his enthusiastic response and Tim grinned down at her.

"Tim?"

"Mhmm," he replied from the crook of her neck.

"What are the odds this works out this time?"

Tim breathed in again before pulling away and staring at her seriously. His eyes were bright and wide, full of love and light.

"One in one Jules. Because I love you. I'm all yours, got it?"

"One in one, I think I can live with that." she teased and reached up to cup his face.

"I'm all yours too Tim."

**AN: there should also be another part of this up here soon, but it's not going to be a full fic. **

**you all have a nice weekend! **


End file.
